


Time

by AngelynMoon



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Cancer, Deathfic, Gen, M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:54:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28232748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelynMoon/pseuds/AngelynMoon
Summary: Xander always thought he'd get killed by a Vampire or the baddie of the week, not this.
Relationships: Xander Harris/Spike, implied
Comments: 4
Kudos: 17





	Time

**Author's Note:**

> A/n: titles are hard, if you have a better suggestion let me know and as always let me know for tags.

Xander had always thought that if he was going to die it would be fighting the things that go bump in the night, well, not always, before Buffy he figured that he'd be killed, by teenagers on drugs as per the lie of Sunnydale or by his parents' neglect and abuse.

He'd never considered anything else, especially not his body destroying itself.

Xander sighed as he lay on his bed. His doctor's appointment had been on Friday which had been two days ago, to see just why he was having so many headaches and dizziness. He'd even passed out last weekend and his mother had found him, after describing it to the doctor Xander was informed that it might have been a seizure.

It turned out that he had a brain tumor, cancer.

Xander shivered, his own body wanted him dead, he felt sick but he'd been feeling dizzy today so he didn't want to move.

His mother had set the appointment but hadn't gone with him, for which he was glad, he didn't want his parents to know, they'd milk it for all the sympathy they could get.

He'd already set up follow up appointments and his first Chemo session was on Friday but he'd be going alone.

He'd thought briefly about telling Buffy, Willow, and Giles but when he'd called Willow she'd told him about the new big bad and Xander realized they had more important things to worry about than him and his mutated cells.

Xander closed his eyes, he was getting a headache again, at least he'd have a real excuse for why he sucked at school, even if he didn't tell anyone.

\---

Xander felt sick as he waited for Buffy and Willow to notice he'd been kidnapped and for them to come rescue him. 

He wondered if he was feeling dizzy because of the rough handling he'd received when he was taken by Spike's minions or if it was because of the Chemo, either way he really didn't feel like moving, not even when he got kicked by one of the minions who wanted attention.

"Come on, human, entertain us, might make your death quicker." The minion laughed.

Xander shuddered, what a big fat lie, did they think he was stupid enough to believe that?

A growl had the minions scurrying off and Xander lifted his head up to look at Spike when the Vampire crouched down before him.

"What? They haven't noticed I'm gone yet?" Xander asked.

It wouldn't surprise him, Buffy was busy with pining for Angel and Willow had been discovering the wonderful world of dating with Oz, which left Xander to his own devices usually. 

A long, lonely road to Chemo appointments and sitting on his bathroom floor puking whatever he managed eat that day as he fought his own body for life.

"I've got an appointment tomorrow, you know." Xander quipped, it was Friday tomorrow and he had Chemo, he was starting to wonder if it was actually worth it though, he was so tired.

"You're going to miss it, pet." Spike grinned down at him.

Xander sighed, "Look, you can come with me but I have to go, if I miss it they'll call my parents and I don't think you want them to call Willow or Buffy to find out where I am." Xander looked at Spike, "I think you want to see how long it takes them to notice I'm missing." 

Spike looked at him thoughtfully before nodding, "Fine, we'll go to your appointment."

Xander nodded and curled back up, fighting his nausea, at least he wouldn't miss his appointment, and it had been easier to schedule his appointments for just before night set in, because he'd go from the Chemo to the Scooby meetings, he usually felt fine for the first few hours after his sessions, then it went down hill from there.

\---

Spike wrinkled his nose as he followed the Slayer's human into the building, the smell of sickness and poison soaked into every inch of the building, why the Pet would come here Spike wasn't sure, perhaps he volunteered.

But the boy checked in and waited for a couple of minutes before they went back to a room.

Spike forced himself not to react to being called the boy's emotional support.

The doctors hooked the boy up to some IV's and settled him on a lounging bed, where the boy curled up small and then they left him.

"You might want to sit, this part takes awhile." The boy said, sounding tired.

Spike sat and listened as the boy breathed, smelling the poison sinking into him with each pulse of his heart.

"Cancer." The boy answered his unasked question as he shifted over to face him, "Brain tumor, to be specific. They don't know, I don't want them to know. I get that you're evil and all but will you promise not to tell them."

Spike looked at him, wondering why the boy didn't want them to know, surely they'd fawn and fuss and tell him it was too dangerous for him and Spike suddenly realized why the boy wouldn't want them to know.

They already tried to make him stay behind, him being sick and they'd probably stop telling him about things altogether.

Where would that leave the boy?

Sitting here alone, poison seeping slowly into his blood, dying alone.

"Promise they won't hear it from me, pet." Spike promised.

The boy smiled tiredly, "Thanks." He whispered before shutting his eyes and letting his breathing even out.

\---

Xander was a little surprised to wake up in a soft bed, nothing like his own bed and not what he recalled.falline asleep on, the very firm hospital lounger that he spent his Chemo sessions half asleep on.

"Feeling hungry, Pet?" Spike's British voice questioned from the door.

Xander frowned at him in confusion, "Where am I?"

"Bedroom." Spike shrugged and set a bowl of soup on the bedside table.

"Why?" Xander asked, usually the smell of food after Chemo made him nauseous but whatever Spike brought smelled delicious.

Spike stared at him, "Doc told me to take care of you, that I was the only person to come and sit with you. Your parents don't bother?"

"Don't want them to know either." Xander said softly as he reached for the bowl.

Spike growled low in his throat and Xander flinched back from the bowl.

"You eat that." Spike growled out, "Why don't you want them to know?"

Xander shrugged, "Don't want them to beg sympathy because their kid is dying. They aren't the best parents, you know."

Spike stared at Xander intently as he sipped at the soup, surprised it tasted as good as it smelled.

"All your appointments on Fridays?" Spike asked.

"Yeah, I have check ups on Wednesdays, though. Why?" Xander asked as he set the empty bowl aside.

Spike didn't answer just took the bowl away as he left the room.

Xander sighed and sunk deeper into the soft bed, deciding to take advantage of it's softness while he could and fell asleep.

When he woke the next time he was still surrounded by the same softness but he was in his basement bedroom.

As Xander sat up, slowly to try preventing getting sick, he wondered why he was back in his own room rather than in Spike's hideout.

Xander decided that that was a problem for another day as he rushed to the bathroom to puke.

\---

Spike leaned against the wall of the building that the Slayer's boy would get his Chemo at, waiting for the boy to arrive.

"Spike?" The boy asked with confusion when he saw him leaning there, "What are you doing here?"

"Emotional support, remember?" Spike told him, putting his cigarette away, it hadn't been lit, figured that he'd be told off if he had lit it.

The boy glared at him, but it was more of a tired stare than a glare.

"Fine but no eating anyone." The boy told him.

"Filled with poison, this lot. Wouldn't taste any good, would they?" Spike said as he followed the boy into the building.

"Hey, I would be delicious!" The boy yelled making the people in the waiting room turn to look at him.

Spike grinned, "Sure you would, Pet."

"Don't you forget it." The boy said with a glare before he went to check in.

\---

Spike going with Xander to his appointments became a habit.

Every Friday he'd be there, leaning against the outside of the building, waiting for Xander to arrive.

Sometimes when Xander wasn't so tired they would play poker, Spike betting kittens and Xander betting nights where Spike wouldn't be out and causing mischief.

Other days Xander would be tired and would fall asleep mid-sentence, on those days Spike would carry Xander home and tuck him in, he always woke up in his own bed if he fell asleep during a session.

Somewhere along the way Xander stopped considering Spike an enemy and started to think of him as a friend, especially when Spike would bring him soup on his really bad days.

Today was his Wednesday appointment, a check up to see how the Chemo was working or if it wasn't and Xander was a bit nervous about it.

He almost wished he had made the appointment for later in the day so that Spike could be there with him.

Xander laughed a little, emotional support indeed.

He wondered what Buffy would say to that, or Angel even, they both seemed to think that a curse was the only way for a Vampire to be able to show humanity but Xander could think of two people at least who had showed less humanity with a soul than Spike had.

Xander shook his head as he looked up when his name was called.

\---

Spike growled low in his throat as someone knocked on the door of his hideout.

"What do you want?" Spike snarled as he tore the door open, pausing at the sight of his pet standing there in the darkness.

"I didn't know where else to go." Pet said quietly.

Spike hummed and let him in, leading him to his bedroom, the only place he could have real privacy since he'd killed the last fool who had tried to enter.

"What?" Spike growled as his Pet sat on the edge of the bed.

Pet looked at where his hands sat on the bedspread.

"Pet?" Spike said, a little softer.

Pet looked up.

"It's not working." Pet said softly, tears welling up in his eyes, "The tumor's not getting smaller."

"You want me to bite you?" Spike asked, not sure why the boy would come to him otherwise.

"No. I don't want to be a Vampire." The boy said, "I guess I came here because I wanted someone who knows the truth. The doctor said I'm going to get worse since they can't operate on it." 

Spike frowned, "Why are you telling me, Pet? Shouldn't you be telling the Slayer and Red?"

"What good will that do?" Xander asked, "They'll probably get mad I didn't tell them earlier." 

Xander shifted so he was fully on the bed, back against the headboard as he drew his knees to his chest.

If the Slayer barged in now it would look like Spike was planning on bedding the boy and the boy was frightened of him.

"There's so much I wanted to do." Xander whispered, "I wanted to get out of Sunnydale. I wanted to fall in love, real love, maybe get married, have a family."

Xander sniffled and wiped at his eyes as tears fell from them.

"I'm never going to get to do any of those things." Xander said quietly, "Born in Sunnydale, die in Sunnydale, I guess."

Xander looked at Spike with shiny eyes.

"Do you think....," Xander paused to bite his lip, "When I get really bad, like where I don't remember my own name, do you think you can find it in you to be nice enough to end it for me? No pain just death?"

Spike sat next to the boy and reached out to grip his ankle.

"Not kind, Pet, Demon, remember?" Spike said softly.

Xander let out a sob but didn't shift away.

"But for you, nummy, yeah, I can end you quick." Spike promised.

"Thank you." Xander whispered.

"'Nough of that, you get some rest." Spike cleared his throat.

"Why?" Xander asked.

"You're making me tired with all your humanness." Spike told him as he tucked him into his bed.

"Thank you, Spike, I know you don't have friends but I consider you mine." Xander told him as he smiled up at Spike.

"'Night, Pet." Spike said softly, wondering if he had one friend even if he'd never admit it.

\-- 

Spike walked quietly through Sunnydale, a year away and nothing had changed, except, perhaps himself.

The streets were familiar, even the sounds of the Slayer fighting minions was a familiar sound.

"What are you doing back here?" Angel's voice growled out from behind him.

Spike turned to look at the closest thing to a Sire he'd ever had, Dru may have turned him but she was too insane to teach him.

"Had to return a friend." Spike shrugged, careful not to dislodge what he carried.

"Spike?" Xander whispered, "We there yet?"

"Almost, Pet, you should rest some more until we get there." Spike murmured gently.

"What did you do to him?" Angel snarled.

"Nothing harmful, the Scoobies have someplace they meet up?" Spike asked.

Angel stared at Spike, wondering if this was some kind of trick to kill Buffy.

"Pet wanted to see the girls before he....," Spike trailed off.

Angel frowned and took an unnecessary breath and choked on the scent of sickness and death that swirled around the boy in Spike's arms.

"Follow me." Angel told Spike and turned to walk down the street to the Magic shop Giles had bought after he'd been fired from the Watcher's council.

\--

Spike watched the Slayer and Red fuss over Xander, the boy was barely lucid, and he stumbled or slurred over the girls' names.

Watching the way their faces fell each time Xander stuttered over their names had Spike forcing himself not to tell them that they were lucky that Xander could say their names at all.

Today was turning out to be one of the Pet's better days, on his worse ones he couldn't remember his own name much less Spike's, but for once Spike was holding his tongue.

"You can leave now, you've returned the boy, we'll take care of him." Angel said from behind him.

Spike turned to look at Angel.

"Not going anywhere, made the boy a promise." Spike told him.

"And you always keep your promises." Angel recalled.

"Yeah." Spike agreed as he leaned against the wall, watching Xander smile tiredly as Buffy spoke about one of her dates with Angel and Red talked about her new girlfriend.

It hadn't even been an hour yet when Spike noticed that Xander's tiredness began pushing into exhaustion.

"Hey, Pet, time to go, yeah?" Spike said gently.

Xander turned to look at him as Buffy stood up to glare at him as Red and the Watcher protested.

"Yeah, okay." Xander's quiet agreement silenced all of them.

Spike pushed passed the Slayer to lift the boy up, he had lost the ability to walk months ago but the Scoobies hadn't noticed him not moving his legs.

Xander wrapped his arms around Spike's neck and started to fall asleep, it always surprised Spike how easily Xander fell asleep in his arms.

Spike turned to look at the shocked faces.

"We have a little house near the cemetery, Pet would probably like to see you." Spike told them before he walked out of the shop.

Angel glanced at the Scoobies before following, he had some questions that needed to be answered.

He and Spike walked in awkward silence for a few moments, though before Spike looked at Angel.

"What?" He growled out.

"A house?" Was Angel's first question, not the one he intended on asking but Spike usually just picked some building or warehouse that looked like it had been condemned.

"Pet picked it out." Spike told him.

"That doesn't explain why you bought it." Angel said, raising an eyebrow.

Spike didn't protest that he hadn't bought it which told Angel more than what Spike had actually said.

Spike looked at Angel, wondering what the other Vampire wanted.

"Why'd you take him, I know he's sick. Why not turn him?" Angels asked finally.

Spike looked away from Angel and down at a sleeping Xander.

"Pet didn't want to be turned, never explained why, just asked me not to while he was still in his right mind." Spike paused for a moment to look at Angel, "He's asked me since then, when the headaches get bad, when he stopped being able to walk. Made me promise before we went away that I'd ignore him when he begged for it when he got worse."

Angel had nothing to say to that as they arrived at the little house Spike had bought.

"Pet?" Spike nudged Xander awake, "Got to invite me and Peaches in." Spike whispered to the boy when he blinked his eyes open.

"Mmm, come in, Spike, Peaches." Xander murmured before he went back to sleep while they entered.

"I've kept the promise not to turn him and it won't be long now before he goes." Spike said softly as he tucked Xander into the couch before he and Angel took seats at the table near the kitchen.

"You sound regretful." Angel said, staring at Spike.

"Was a Sire's gift, wasn't he, mine to care for, protect." Spike looked over at the boy, "Even if you didn't really mean it, he's been mine. Can't protect him from his body killing him though, only thing I could do was be there, so I was."

Spike turned back to Angel.

"'Ought to let the girls know he might not know them when they come by." Spike told Angel.

"Why not?" Angel asked.

"'S a brain tumor, affects memory and the like, he has good days and bad days, today was a good day, still remembered who I was." Spike shrugged, "It's hit or miss on what he'll recall."

Xander whimpered in pain on the couch and Spike stood up and went to him to pet his hair.

Angel wanted to frown at the gentle way that Spike stroked the boy's hair but Spike had always been a sensitive boy, even as a Vampire Spike had been a little softer than he should be.

Angel stared for a moment longer before he let himself out as Spike collected the boy into his arms and carried him to a bedroom.

As he left Angel found himself wondering absently if Spike and the boy shared but dismissed that thought, it was no business of his.

\---

Time passed quickly when you were waiting for death to come, there never seemed to be enough of it, the minutes turning quickly into hours and days were soon over.

For Xander the days blurred together as he started to forget things for longer, his moments of lucidity becoming shorter and quicker to leave.

Some days he'd look at Spike and not know who he was, other days and he'd think Spike was still an enemy rather than a friend.

He didn't always recognise Buffy and sometimes he'd look at Willow and ask her how she got so old, at least on the days when he didn't think she was her own mother.

Xander never asked after his own parents and they never asked after him, no report was filed by them since he'd told the doctors he'd been seeing that he was going on a trip before he and Spike had left.

For Xander time moved too swift as death chased after him.

Xander wasn't the only one to think time was moving too quick.

For Spike there was never enough time, humans were so short lived to begin with, finding out that Xander was sick reminded Spike of that.

The hours and days spent by his side as he fought his body had been sparked a hope as their friendship grew that maybe there would be time for everything when Xander was better, only Xander hadn't gotten better, he'd gotten worse.

So, Spike had taken Xander to all of the places he'd wanted to go, shown him the castles that Spike had once haunted with Angelus and Drusela, he'd taken him to beaches and Paris as Xander's memories faded in and out and when the days where he forgot his own name came Spike had brought Xander back to Sunnydale.

'Born in Sunnydale, die in Sunnydale.' The boy had said.

And now he'd be buried there. Buried in a grave too deep to crawl out of, bones burned to ash to prevent them being used in any type of ritual, his headstone carved with roses and ivy wrapped crosses.

And every year a Vampire would come, he'd sit by a silent headstone and tell it stories.

Sometimes the Slayer would come and sit with him, a red head with her.

When others joined them, when they attempted this Vampire harm they were pulled aside, gently told why this Vampire was permitted to live and walk Sunnydale unharmed.

Eventually a new Slayer was Called and they too were told about this strange Vampire who came to visit a single grave.

And he came every year until the year he didn't and never did again.

\---

A/n: I have no excuse, sorry this angst and death fic happened so close to Christmas but what can you do?

And yes, Xander died and then Spike visits his grave for a few centuries before he dies as well, and maybe Spike got himself a soul before hand and he and Xander are together in the afterlife.

The prompt i gave myself :

Xander is diagnosed with Cancer and doesn't tell the group because there is another Apocalypse to worry about stopping.

He considers not getting treatment but decides that he's not going with out a fight, like usual.

However the treatments begin to take their toll and Spike seems to be the only one to notice.


End file.
